Yup. It happened. Today...I got a massage...from a MAN. I could just end this here, and it would probably be good enough. However, it's too amazing not to expand on...so here goes.
When I made the appointment yesterday, I was asked if I wanted a man or a woman. I said I would prefer a woman. Which is not a demand. And I'm guessing everyone, men and women, prefer to be massaged by a woman. And many probably demand it. So, rightfully so, I ended up with a dude. If only you all could have seen my face when I got this little nugget of news. Bug eyes and jaw to the floor.
But I didn't want to seem like a total spaz, so I of course played it cool. In my head? "Holy crap! Are you freaking kidding me?! A dude?!" What I actually said? "Sounds great - nice to meet you, Steve."
He walked me back to the room right away, but of course I was so nervous about it being a man that I desperately had to pee. So I went to the bathroom, and while there looked myself in the mirror and had a pep talk. "This is NOT a big deal. You can handle this. Be cool."
Back in the room, he told me that what I wore or didn't wear was my choice..."you can leave anything on, just underwear on, or go totally naked." In my head? "Naked?! Are you serious? Do you really think I'm going to strip down to my birthday suit while you massage my whole body? Come on!!" What I actually said? "Ok, thank you." He left me to decide and get ready and get on the table. I managed to talk myself into going with just underwear and nothing else. Huge step for me.
(Why such a big step? Flashback to 2008...I went to a dermatologist for my first full body screening. My female dermatologist couldn't make it in that day, so I had to go with one of her male practice partners. I was so nervous and uncomfortable that I was DRIPPING sweat. No joke. I think he thought I had a disorder. It was awesome. So the idea of a man massaging me should have sent me into a fit, but didn't. HUGE for me.)
So the massage begins, with me face down on the table, partially covered by a sheet. He mentions that I feel pretty tense. Um, yeah....no s**t, Sherlock...there's a strange man rubbing me down, with lotion. But I keep telling myself that he doesn't care, he does this all the time, no biggie.
I eventually relax a little, about 20 minutes in. Let's be honest. Men have stronger hands than women. It simultaneously hurt a little (deep tissue) annnnnnnd felt incredible. Aaaaahhhhhh. I actually REALLY enjoyed myself for the next 15-20 minutes!
All is good...until he tells me to turn over. I'm confused. "All the way on my back?" I ask. "Yup" he says. In my head? "Ok, now this is insane! I'm almost totally naked and I can't even stay in the comfort zone of laying on my stomach? Are you insane?!" What I actually said? "O...o...okay."
So I flip over on my back, and as I'm getting situated, he puts a blindfold over my eyes. Alllllllright, Steve. This is getting a little weird....but maybe not. I'm no massage expert! So, in hopes of looking like I'm experienced, I go with the flow. The whole rest of the massage, on my back, I'm worrying about my sheet falling off. Relaxed? Not as much anymore. Muscles tensing back up.
He finishes, calls me "dear," and leaves so I can get dressed. I meet him back in the lobby, give him his tip (I gave him 40%...I don't know why!) and walk out, still trying to look cool.
What a crazy experience. I'm proud that I survived though, and actually enjoyed myself for some of it! Getting a massage was just what I needed. And I'm going back on Sunday again. But I think I might try a woman next time. No hurt feelings, Steve, but I have to try the other side too so I can compare. Who knows? Maybe I'll miss "man hands" and come back to you. Possible? Definitely. Likely? We shall see.
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