Dear Matty,

You, brother of mine, are amazing. You call me last night, only to find me in a bit of a "shambles" type of situation...super stressed about work, thinking way too much about some personal-life things going on (nothing horrible...just confusing and a little stressful), more tired and exhausted than I have been in a LONG time (as in, barely hanging on and dark circles under my eyes), and on top of all that? Crying. Not just a few tears running down my cheeks...but full on crying. Breathing abnormally and all. Rubbing my face and eyes with a Q Center dinner napkin. (Paper...not even linen or something nice!)

So what do you do? You listen to me talk (parts of it hard to understand), give me some advice, tell me you love me, tell me you wish I was geographically closer so you could give me a big hug, and allow me to really just be a super hard person to talk to. Seriously. I was a mess last night. But you put up with it all, acted the part of the wonderful big brother, and then...

...had these delivered to me today at the Q Center:

Really?! Are you for real?!?! I was absolutely floored. And then proceeded to cry again.

Here was my conversation with the desk lady:
Her - "Ms. Olson, we have a delivery for you to come pick up at the desk."
Me - "Huh? I didn't order anything."
Her - "Well there's something here for you, and I'm sure you'll want to come down and pick it up so you can take them back to your room and enjoy them."
Me - "Ooooooo-kay. I'll be right down."

No idea what the heck I'm going to get, I throw on sweatpants and head to the front desk (which at the Q Center is approximately a 1 mile walk from the suite guest rooms that I stay in)...wondering the whole time "What in the world am I going to pick up?"

Then I walk up to the desk and see a giant flower delivery...and nothing else. Could it be? Are those for me?! Indeed. You are truly amazing, and I'm so lucky to have you, and I love you so very much.

Thanks for being so great. You are one of a kind.

And yes...I will, in fact, be taking those with me on my cross-country journey tomorrow. Piece of cake. I'm a seasoned traveler.

Love,
Your little sister

So...confused....

Is it possible to be right AND misguided at the same time? About the same thing? I sort of hope so (although it's not an ideal situation), because that is exactly how I am feeling at the moment. So basically I'm looking for justification for it, and for confirmation that I'm not totally insane. A tall order, I know!

My weekend back in good 'ole Chapel Hill was simply wonderful. It felt incredible to be back there, and to see all my amazing friends (who I miss very much when I am not there), and hang at all the old haunts...Southern Village, Brixx, The Crunkleton, Carolina Cafe, Alta Springs (the pool in particular), and of course Bub's. And absolutely to see my baby girl - sweet Lalo! I finally got to see her beautiful face and give her lots of doggy-mama love. It was pure bliss. No more question mark on the end of "coming home" - it should really have been a period. Or an exclamation point.

So many things came rushing back to me upon my return. A whole mix of different emotions, which was about what I was expecting. The majority of those were just happiness, excitement to be back, impatience to see all my friends right away...really just good stuff. But mixed in there were some weird "remembering my past life" kind of feelings. I guess it's probably natural to have some of that upon a return like that, and after having been gone a significant amount of time, but it's definitely left me feeling a little unsettled coming off of the weekend. Today has been filled with travel (flight to Chicago), work (meeting with my boss, leading a new hire training class all afternoon, and then trying to catch up on other stuff from about 6:30pm until now - 11:00pm), and then mostly thinking a lot about everything that happened this weekend, and how it actually makes me feel. I guess I need a good day or two (or maybe a week) to really process and figure it out...but for the moment it's left me pondering that question - whether or not it's possible to be right/doing the right thing, but also be misguided/not exactly doing the right thing at the same time. That probably makes no sense to anyone else...but give me another day or two and I might be able to actually put my thoughts into English. I'm trying.

T-Minus 15 Hours...

So tomorrow is the big day. My return to Chapel Hill...the Hill...Tar Heel land...my old home. It definitely seems a little weird to think that I'll be back there in a matter of hours. I have completely mixed emotions (still), and would really like to just get there and get over the initial hump of taking it all in and seeing how I feel. My feelings of slight anxiety have been steadily growing throughout this week...and it's really just time. The peak of the ridiculousness of this? Right now...the fact that as I'm sitting here writing this...I'm consuming/inhaling an obnoxious amount of Hershey's Creme de Menthe Kisses (the ones from St. Patrick's Day - I found them at Target today, on clearance for $1.48...score!)

Speaking of Target, I picked up a few items to take to my baby girl, Lalo, tomorrow when I see her. I got a little carried away. I left with:

* 2 bags (31 lb.) of her favorite dog food (Beneful...Healthy Weight, of course)
* 2 lb. of rawhide chew chips
* 2 bags of Puperoni doggy treats (she loooooves those!)
* 1 bright yellow (my favorite color) dumb-bell squeaky toy

I couldn't help myself. I love that little fur-ball so much, and I'm just busting at the thought of seeing her tomorrow. But will she remember me when she sees me, after 7 long months? I sure hope so. It might break my heart if she doesn't.

I'm about to head to bed - a good night of sleep would be a great start to the weekend...but let's be honest. I'm an insomniac even when I'm not stressed and my brain's not racing incessantly. So what hope do I have tonight?! It's not looking good. I'll be keeping my book close by, just in case.

Coming Home?

In some ways, it sure feels like it. I am back in North Carolina this week - working in Winston-Salem for the week, and then spending the weekend in...that's right...Chapel Hill. Aaaahhhhh, my old town. I've been gone for almost 7 months now, but there's still some part of me that feels as if I'm going home. Honestly, I've been overcome with emotion since landing in this state yesterday. Well, actually...since before landing. I'm not 100% sure why, but I took this picture as we were descending into Raleigh-Durham:

No, there aren't mountains surrounding this place...and there aren't miles of beautiful beaches...and an ocean right there...and it's not always 75 and sunny (and not humid!) here...but it's gorgeous nonetheless. It looks so simple, yet inviting from up in the air.

I almost choked up as I walked off the plane and saw some VERY familiar sights:

Good ole' RDU airport. My old home airport. I've had so many flights in and out of this place, that I guess I can't help but feel comfortable there. I was expecting it to feel strange, and maybe a bit foreign...but it didn't. It really didn't. It felt normal. And kind of nice.

I grabbed a rental car (upgraded - yay!) after claiming my 55 pound suitcase from baggage claim, and proceeded to hit the road. I had to head to Winston-Salem, which is about 100 miles away from Raleigh-Durham. Oh, but it conveniently forced me to pass these gems:

I had to use every ounce of my willpower to NOT turn off at exit 273A. It's like I truly felt some sort of gravitational pull in that direction. I most certainly wasn't expecting to feel that. And after having to pass it by to continue further west, I teared up. I didn't sob and cry, but there were a few small tears. And if even a single tear rolls down my cheek while I'm driving and jamming to Lady Gaga...something is definitely a little "off."

It freaked me out a little. I've just been purely excited about this upcoming weekend until then. I get to see all my Chapel Hill friends (who I miss TERRIBLY) and hang with them for the weekend!!! So many good times to come. Annnnnnnnd I get to see my pup...my sweet Lalo. I haven't seen her beautiful face, and hugged her, and rubbed her ears, and patted her chubby belly, and smothered her with kisses in about 7 months now. I miss her so much. Every time I see someone out walking their dog in California, she crosses my mind. I'm a little afraid I'll be so overcome with emotion when I see her, that I might just lose it. She definitely always reminds me that I left some small piece of myself in Chapel Hill.

But I think the last time I was back for a visit in the Hill (6 months ago), it hadn't been long enough since my move to really feel like I had left. More than enough time has now passed though. So I don't really know how I'm going to feel. I know the pure joy and excitement of seeing everyone will not go missing (I can't wait)...but I'm guessing there will be something else mixed in there somewhere. What it will be? Only time will tell - 3 days to be exact.

My Little Consultant Gangs

Most of you know that a huge part of my job is teaching all the new hire classes for my company - the majority of the participants being around-22-year-olds that are fresh out of college. If you know that fact, then you also probably know that even though that role keeps me super busy, on the road a lot of the time, tires me OUT a lot, and just generally keeps me "on my toes"...I love it. I mean, I really, truly love and adore it.

Every person that gets hired and starts working for us, passes through me and my training first...which means I'm one of the most (if not the most) connected people in our whole company. I love that fact. I love that when we go to our company conference in a couple of weeks (Nashville is about to be stormed by 800 fun-loving healthcare consultants), I will be one of the only people who can say hello to pretty much everyone there (and by name!) and have a previous relationship with them. A perfect example of why this is so cool came from our last conference in August...during breakfast before we got started for the day, I went to just grab a quick refill on my coffee (an average night of sleep at our conferences is 2-3 hours, at best), and it took me a full 25 minutes to even get to the coffee bar because every, single table I passed on the way stopped me to say hi, give hugs, etc. Not everyone loves chit-chat and being in a position like that...but I think I was made for it. That's the kind of stuff that keeps my "tank full" even when my schedule is insane, I don't know what time zone I'm in, and I dream about healthcare terminology and hospital key metrics.

And more than that, my job allows me to truly influence people, and have an enormous impact on their experience at our company, their success "out in the field," and their outlook on our industry and the work we do everyday for hospitals. That is so freaking cool, I can barely describe it. I become a combination of teacher/mentor/coach/supporter/friend/disciplinarian (when needed, which is thankfully rare)/cheerleader/outlet/resource/guide for them all. I take that responsibility very seriously. I always feel committed to my classes and doing my very best to set them up for success. I think I'm just lucky that I enjoy every minute of it along the way.

We have 11-12 classes coming through in 2011 (each class being 4 weeks long - I only teach 2 of those 4 though), and I've loved the 2 groups I've had so far. I've made a promise to myself to take more pictures during training, since it's a huge part of my life, and I don't have a lot of photos to show for it (like I do for all the other hijinx I'm constantly involved in!). So here are a few choice shots of my 2011 classes so far....

This is the January 2011 class "graduation" photo on the very last day of training - I try to get one with each group, always in this same spot in the Meadows office. I have a feeling this class will always end up being a special one for me:


February "graduation" shot.....see? Exact same spot. (Notice that I always snag the coveted front and center position in these....eh....I think I earn it)

Sometimes a class and I actually take goofy group photos. I like to think this one is a cross between a soccer team photo and a Christmas card photo (like the fireplace in the background?):
This picture proves that learning about the flow of and decisions made in a hospital emergency department can, in fact, be fun!

I love this shot of some of the guys....QN is being goofy, as always...PP and GP are trying to be too cool for school...and JD and JS look a bit like they're trying to model:

I love the excitement of all the new hires I get to work with...it's contagious. And mix that with my own enthusiasm and love for our jobs and our company? Good times are always had. (And they make me feel younger...which never hurts)

Stay tuned in 2011....hopefully I'll do well and get more photos of all my little consultant "gangs" - which I guess makes me a gang leader...which I sometimes feel a little like with these guys! It's fitting, in some ways.

In Pursuit of the Elusive Turkey...

Holy cow. I forgot how much fun bowling is!! Real, old school bowling. Not virtual bowling (which we did last weekend, and was the inspiration for doing the real thing this weekend). But the go-to-the-bowling-alley, everybody wear matching ugly and moderately disgusting bowling shoes, buy pitchers of beer, come up with team names and cheers, pick out the PERFECT bowling ball - which is kind of greasy from all the dirty hands that touch it each day (mine was neon pink and 7 pounds...I called it Bubble Yum), and get out there and knock those pins down.

There were 8 of us playing, I'm pretty sure we drank 9 pitchers of beer, and we had a fabulous time. What a great place to be - I'm almost certain we'll be back to the bowling alley on Pico Blvd. again real soon.

Some great observations from the night (including the time at Barney's after bowling, where we stayed until bar time without intending to):

1. Sometimes I get uncomfortable when people try to kiss me and I'm not ready:
2. A nice gal pal shot makes me feel waaaaay more at ease:

3. If you have a camera, completely empty bowling alley (it was the 30 minutes of no-bowl time while they were setting up for disco bowl), time to kill, and a bunch of people that love to ham it up, you can get some pretty spectacular pics:
4. There is a lot of pressure in bowling...when you get a gutter ball...you almost don't even want to show your face anymore (especially when you have teammates heckling you on the walk back):

5. Girlfriend photos are all fun and games...

....until someone tries to break your neck/twist your head off (reallllllly not sure what LK was trying to do to me here - I must have been beating her at that point in the game...she's very competitive!):

6. Apparently guys can have babies too! Or they at least shove things up their shirts sometimes to pretend they can (looks like we're very excited about our bright blue, 11 pound bundle of joy):

7. Some people are just way better at taking self-portraits than others (LK), and should take the camera away from the lesser-skilled (LM), even if it's mid-shot:

8. Gotta keep those spirits up, even when the strikes aren't coming as frequently as you would like (beer also helps):

9. Beware of boys....in photos, and really just in general:

10. Make sure you wear super cute skinny jeans to the alley so you look fabulous like this if someone sneaks an action shot of you (I think I might buy those exact same pants now):

Alas, no one got a turkey. 4 of us got multiple two-in-a-rows, but no gobble gobble. But it was still fantastic fun - if you haven't bowled any time recently...you really need to get out there and give it a whirl! And the genius bowling alley gave us all BOGO coupons upon leaving. Brilliant. We can't pass up an offer like that, can we?!

Luck 'o the Irish

It's not even technically St. Patrick's Day yet...but I've already had one of my best ever. Yesterday, a bunch of my friends and I attended a bar crawl to celebrate the holiday. It was thrown by some of our other friends....and it was one of the best planned bar crawls ever. They thought of everything....yes...a bunch of GUYS. Impressive, right?!

The event started bright and early at 9:00am. The guys made everyone (all 40-50 of us on the crawl) breakfast and mimosas. We ate, drank, played some beer pong, and just generally got in the party spirit very quickly. Each of us attending got a gift bag when we arrived...which included (among other things) a bar crawl tshirt with our names on the back. Love it!

We then proceeded into the streets of Redondo Beach to cause mayhem. It was the perfect day...blue sky, sunny, 70 degrees...just tops. We were a big enough group that we pretty much looked like a parade everywhere we went. And the fact that a bunch of us were wearing whistles (and not afraid to use them in the slightest) didn't help. (Main whistle rule for the day? If you were going to use "that's what she said" at any point, you HAD to blow your whistle first. Soooooo many throughout the day, of course.)

LK had her tiny, little St. Paddy's Day mug-on-a-necklace. And she was nice enough to let us all use it too!

DS stole me a crab from Jersey's bar. I carried that crab around for the whole rest of the day...and everyone kept saying that I got crabs at the bar. Real funny, guys.

Other highlights included: lots of dancing, chanting before each bar change ("When I say hip-hop, you say what's up...hip-hop...what's up!!"), super sticky Girl Scout Cookie shots, virtual bowling, bathroom photos, debates on NYC vs. LA, everyone hugging everyone else (so much love), directing traffic illegally in the streets, the super drunk British guy who followed us everywhere, and free chips and salsa at Suzy's. All in all, an amazing day. I lasted (no joke) for a whole 15 hours yesterday (birthday party at a bar in Santa Monica last night AFTER the crawl all day!), and pretty much slept harder last night than I have in a long time. Woke up to be confused by the time change....(did anyone else not know Daylight Savings was last night?!)...but also to happily sigh, and take some Aspirin, and head out for a walk by the ocean with a friend...and think about what a wonderfully perfect day yesterday was. Cheers!